Portable Safe's or Is that for here or to go?

I know I have come up with unusual topics and comments for my blogs and I know I have been known to stretch things out of proportion, but this time it is not my fault that my imagination has got the best of me and hence decided to run amuck ... again.
This blog was brought on by something I witnessed at a store this past week. It is about the Portable safe, what super genius came up with this one ...Wile E Coyote?
In an age of instant gratification such as fast food,next day Carpets, same day Dry Cleaning, Digital Photos and Pea-Pod Grocery Delivery. We have just been able to add Drive-by robberies to the instant gratification list, with this fantastically "portable" safe.
You see the way it works is you put your cash, charge cards, passport, birth certificate,The Magna-Carta and your autographed nude photos of G.W. Bush in the stylish and oh-so inexpensively priced "Portable" safe. Then unexpectedly ( for the sake of this blog) you have some robbers show up on a night you are at the Elvis Impersonator's Convention. They (the robbers), break in and find the not so well disguised portable safe. Picture if you will as the robbers pick the portable safe, look at each other giggle, and say "would you like fries with that safe"? Being a portable safe, the pair of do-badders are in no rush and under no pressure to crack the safe there, they just simply tuck the safe under their arm and make their way back to their secret robber lair via the unlocked back door, where they can do their safe cracking in comfort with out hearing the pesky complaining of the victim or the police impeding on their version of "Free Enterprise".
Ah Yes the Portable safe for those on the go, The Portable safe ... with new fire resistent paint incase it is in the back of your 1980's Pinto that is rear-ended and blows up, The paint on the portable safe is guaranteed for up to 420 degrees, after that ... Oh-Oh better call Macco
The portable safe will aide the sagging economy as well because with the onslaught and convenience of the portable safe we will have new businesses popping up such as 24 hour drive-up windows where you can bring your portable safe to when you lock your portable safe keys or your portable safe combination in your? ....Yup, you guest it ... portable safe. Feeling lonely and need a peek at those photos of yourself with your duct tape repaired blow-up companion? just jump in the Pinto or family truckster and make your way to the nearest portable safe drive-up window local.
Portable safe sort of gives a new meaning to cash and carry! In an era where people are used to stashing their money and other valuables under their mattresses, I can see a need for a warning label that will come with the portable safe. *Warning* Portable safe is not responsible for undue wear and tare of bedding or mattresses, nor are the makers of portable safe responsible for stiff backs, cricks in the neck or any other discomfort from hiding portable safe under your mattress.
Just think about it the portable safe fits right next to your pocket fisherman and you 2 cans of spray on hair, all in the compact comfort of your duffle or carry-on bag, and remember folks if you can't grab it and run, it's not portable... portable safe for thieves on the go!
I can just see the slogans and add campaigns now...
Portable safe...Their Great!
Portable safe, don't leave home with out em'
Portable safe, what's in your trunk?
Portable safe, it's not your fathers safe.
Portable safe, just like Mom used to steal.
Portable safe, the quicker picker upper.
Join the Portable safe club, buy your first 2 safes for regular club prices and get you 3rd safe for just 1 penny.
As far as I am concerned a portable safe may as well be made out of paper, better yet may I suggest you drive down a crowded street and just toss all your valuables out the window and save your money on the vaunted Portable safe.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired