Friday, February 13, 2009

The Art of the Valentines Gift



The Art of the Valentines Gift

Yes it is true, the love bug day has once again reared its ugly head and Cupid is sharpening his love arrows while men everywhere are running scared for gift ideas to top last Valentines Day. Something that will prevent that scowl she will give him or the cold shoulder and sharp slap to the family jewels.
I am here to help (No, not really) over the years as I have learned some Do's and Don'ts (mostly Don'ts) and as I evolve (and I use that term "Evolve" very loosely) I know what is 100% not the right gift, here are the top 10 from last Valentines Don'ts.
1. Odor Eaters - Size 12
2. Flea dip for her pet or a family member to be named later.
3. Push-up Bra made of old duct tape and bungee cords.
4. A new thong made from the tinfoil of the leftovers from the last time you took her out to a restaurant, which was last Valentines Day.
5. Teeth.
6. A newspaper coupon for 10% off of a Facial electrolysis.
7. A bowling ball.
8. Peanut butter crackers from the Dollar Tree store.
9. A bouquet of Lilies wrapped with poison oak all around it.
10. Chocolates with Habanera peppers in the centers.


These have been just a few that I know first hand are not well received valentines day gifts. I say to all of you, no matter what you get your wife, girlfriend, mother, baby's Momma, mistress or stalking victim, do it with Love in your heart, a helmet on your head, a cup for you man parts and a suit of armor, just in case you come up with number 11 for next years Valentines Days gifts Don't.
Happy Valentines Day and Good Luck, you will need it.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

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