Dream A Little Dream

Dream a Little Dream
OR
The Plastic Coated Nightmare

Have you ever had one of those nights where you sleep so sound that if a Undertaker had come by they would try to embalm you? You are dreaming of wonderful things and wonderful places.
Well I had such a night a few nights ago, there was a chill in there air and I was all nice and snug under my favorite blanket, sleeping the sleep of kings, when all of a sudden I woke with a jolt almost as if someone had stabbed me in the butt with a knitting needle, all because of my dream...
I had a dream that Pamela Anderson was my mother and I was bottle fed
"Dam you Fate ....Dam you all to Hell!"



Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Around the world in 216 hours, 3 minutes & 44 seconds or 9 Days with nothing to do!

Have you ever wished you had the time and money to take a trip around the world? Over the years I have heard many people say that very comment.
Just think of all the sights and sounds that you would take in from all the different people and places. Just to be able to say you went around the world and have all the people you know envy you ...
Now that being said here is a question for you, Would you take an all expense paid trip around the world if it was Non-Stop?
I got nothing here ... Just deal with it!

" I just flew in from a trip around the world...and boy are my arms tired"!

*Voyager's flight was the first-ever, non-stop, unrefueled flight around the world. It took place between December 14 and December 23, 1986.
This milestone flight took 9 days, 3 minutes and 44 seconds.
The absolute world distance records set during that flight remained unchallenged today.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

It's a Catalog Christmas

As the holidays approach us I take fingers to keyboard to share my poetic side... A Fitzy original... A poem like no other to share with you my thoughts this holiday season. I call it ...

"A Catalog Christmas"
Hustle and bustle,
Need to be here, got to get there,
Christmas snuck up, it just isn't fair.

From work to the Gym, Schools to the Stores,
Holy shit Christmas has made me a whore.

I can't be everywhere I'm no Claus,
That's it you Bastards, I'm getting catalogs.

For Bob and Jan, Aaron and Pat, I'm just not shopping for you and that's that.

So pick a catalog and fill out the numbers cuz that's what your getting from this Ba-Hum-Bugger.

It's a catalog Christmas
I have no free time, now pick out your gifts, I'm falling behind

Now don't start bitchin' cuz you know what your gettin',
at least it will fit, what can I say I'm no Saint Nick.

It's a catalog Christmas that's it for me, there will be no shopping mall this year for me.

A Catalog Christmas won't be a wreck, so long as I send in the forms and put in a check.

Yes, a catalog Christmas what a great deal saving on time with 2 for 1 deals.

it will all fit cuz you picked it out,
It was nice to see you, now get the Hell out.

All my shopping done, how nice to see,
I just have time to go shopping for me!

This worked out well, I'm in good cheer,
I hope there's good catalogs for us next year.

It's a Catalog Christmas, it says right here,
On page 52 to the right of the bear.

So Merry Christmas to all and Happy Cataloging Next Year

Stupid Questions...???

The World is full of stupid questions and for every stupid question there are a multitude of stupid answers, one sort of goes hand in hand so I was told when I asked a few people this as they responded with.."Now isn't that a Stupid Question?".
I was sitting at my desk today and all of a sudden I was taken over by a single thought...and NO it did not die of loneliness. It was a question I had heard someone actually ask and at first I just put it out of my head, like I knew I had heard it, but I didn't hear it type of thing. The more I thought on it the more my brain pan started to over heat...I am nuts to begin with and although I do know what is odd and what is not I still have the propensity to ask, think and say allot of stupid things, I was not sure whether this was a stupid question or someone just being so down rite curious about someone else's answer.
Would this stupid question being asked get and a mind blowing answer that could be the cure for cancer? or maybe it would help bring about world peace or maybe...just maybe help my truck run better in the cold weather?
I sat and thought about the question, and after a few minutes I thought, well what would happen if I say it out-loud. would they, the Powers that Be try to restrain me with one of those fancy jackets that the sleeves attach in the back or would someone have an answer that would satisfy me and my craving for knowledge? or would they look at me and say ..."That is the Stupidest Question I have heard all day and I just got off the phone with my mother in-law!!"
I sat some more and I said ..."it is now or never", stupid or not I could not take the question rattling around in my head...it was denting my frontal lobe and the wife does not like it when I have a dented frontal lobe, she thinks it makes me look a bit Neanderthal....so I waited for some one to come by, so I could just get it over with ... but as luck would have it people had jobs to do and talking to the fool at the desk is not one of them.
Then it happened there was a couple of people heading right for me ...I had sweat pooling on my forehead and I was biting my lower lip...they got closer and one of them began to say, "Hello how are you..." and before she could get the whole sentence out I blurted it out....
If you had to eat one crayon out of a box of 64, which color would it be?
There I had said it I felt good when I got it out, I am not sure that they were happy to hear it, because they stopped and actually debated each others answer and why the other persons color choice made no sense and why theirs did.
Like I said I was glad to get out of my brain pan, but I bet they were asking every one they knew that same question, because I think that, the so called stupid question was rattling around their brains and now denting their frontal lobes...Hey all I can say is better them then me!
So let me ask you ...what color would you have chosen?
Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Coffee or Sugared Lava?!

I know my Blogs are way out of the ordinary, and for the most part they are meant to be funny, and make light of situations, but this time I do not know how funny it will be, it is just an observation that irritated me.
The Rachel Ray and Dunkin Donuts advisement bugs the crap out of me! many of us have stopped by a Dunkin Donuts and got a coffee and it has taken almost 30 to 40 minutes for it to cool down enough so that we do not burn out tongue or our taste-buds.
Then here is this ding-bat who skids to a screeching halt orders a coffee and sips it immediately and pronounces "Delish!" Well here's my beef, I never am the only person in the store, so I have to stand in line, then when I order, the person taking my order usually does not speak enough English to understand the order to get it correct, then when I get the dam coffee it is so hot I can not even dream about trying to get some, not too mention if you do not give your coffee a shake the 53.3 grams of sugar (the equivalent of 2 and 1/2 plastic beach shovels full) all stay at the bottom and when you get down there, it is like trying to swallow a liquefied marshmallow peep through a tiny hole in the lid.
I also never get my coffee for free from there. There is always an exchange of monetary value and or the obligatory coupon, she skids in exclaims a stupid slang word and leaves...no money, no waiting, no coffee cool down time!
We should demand the same...Those bastards! Ok I must take my meds now...oh look bugs bunny is on...I am going to Marylou's

Does a man really ever win an argument?

Does a man ever really win an argument with his wife or girlfriend?
I think we all know that answer!
I mean lets be real, unless you never want to play "teacher and the student" or a quick game of "slap and tickle", you will try and always give in. Now I say try and give in, because let us all face it, guys like two things, now I know you men are thinking NO I like more than two things, but you don't, trust me. It all comes down to Boobies and arguing, we love to do both. In fact I have friends that go to strip bars to haggle (the polite term for arguing) with the Dancers over how much for a table dance.
Men are born to argue, women are born to win arguments, you see they have the Boobies we covet, Internet nudity, Chat rooms, Web Cams, strip clubs nor magazines are going to replace our desire for the real thing. The more we see them, the more we want them.
Besides they know when we are asleep and can mess with us or they do the whole crying thing that makes most men feel the guilt thing.
Women are the masters of winning, but there can be exceptions, 1.you are gay and do not covet the boobies, 2. You have been married and divorced and now hate what they stand for, 3. You sneak around at night and play with them while she is in snooze land (this is wrong by the way...trust me on that one) or 4. You are the head of the "He Man Woman Haters Club" (in which case I refer you to rule #1).
After reading back through this blog I need to change it to, Breasts win every argument, because if you are in an argument and your wife or girlfriend, flashes, you automatically stop what you are saying, and trip over your thoughts as if there was a sort of speed bump in your brain, which at that point your brain screams...Hey... that was a Boobie!!!! and by the time you remember what you were saying it is too late, so by default, No Men ever actually win an argument with their wife or girlfriend, but the women do not really win either, it is the god given talent of those boobs, the way the mesmerize men (and some women) make them trip on their tongues and turn their thoughts to a blank billboard.
So do men really win arguments with their wives or girlfriends? Yes, but not if they are smart!
As for me I am the king of Boobie A.D.D., if I am in an argument with any woman I sort of lose it the minute I get to the correct area! Now I know some of you are going to scream sexist on me, but too bad those are the facts, that does not mean I think of my wife or any other woman as a sex object although that does remind me of that joke... ”I think all women are sex objects...I ask for sex and they object!”... Hello? ... Is this thing on? ... I know you are out there I hear you breathing.
All men love Women, whether it is their Mom, Sister, daughter, friend, wife or girlfriend and what do they have in common... their ability to win every single argument that comes their way.
This has been just another screwy thought that has invaded what little brain I have and is meant for amusement, I would never treat my wife or any other woman like a sex object, they will kick my ass!

Mute...Pause...Play, The My Space Factor

Ok, does anyone else out there just mute the sound when you go onto any of the "My Space" pages?
When I first joined the wide and growing world of the "My space" web sites, it was fun to let the songs load and see what that particular person was listening to, but the members are changing the songs so infrequently that I have now just got into the habit of pausing or muting the song and just take a quick glance at what and who it was, then move on.
I think the music on the "My space" sites have just become an annoyance. So how many others are like me and pause or mute the songs before they load and play? I know I can not be alone on this.
Oh by the way have you heard the new song I loaded up on my, "My space" page....Tee Hee

"Must be this Tall"

Have you ever had one of those days?

Have you ever woke up from a nights sleep and realize right off that it was going to be one of those days?
Well that was today for me.
I rose from my nights nap at 6:45 AM and I knew I was in trouble. I get to the shower and I thought I had turned on the hot water... I get in and you want to talk about shrinkage! I was an inny in about 1 millisecond. I correct that and go to get the shampoo and it squirts in my eye.
The next step was to get dressed and have some coffee, guess what, that was not going to happen too smoothly, I put my foot through my sock, the cat did something in my sneaker and when I went to my automated Java machine I thought I heard it laugh at me just as it spit coffee out at me, it was as if it had just watched Linda Blair in the Exorcists movie.
Now, not try to look on the down side, I move to my favorite morning ritual, email, My-Space and working on my Web Asylum site, guess what....Yup you got it, I deleted my email, changed my My-Space and almost banned myself from my own website. at this point I am thinking bed looks great right about now and I'll try life again tomorrow, but do I NO!!
Today just feels like, when you were a kid and went to one of those amusement parks and you have been all excited all day about this ride and then you see that sign, "Must be this Tall to Ride" and your heart sinks in chest and you already know you do not make the height requirement. Today is such a day and it is only Noon. here is my score card thus far.
Cold Shower Causing a small heart attack and a whole heap of shrinkage
Shampoo breaches like a whale and I get an eye full
Cat violating my Sneaker
disintegrating sox
Possessed Coffee machine
Email is now Missing in action
MY-Space is different and I have to think of how to use it.
Banned from my own web site, this will make Brad & Harold giggle.
Burt a hole in my pants after lighting my cigar.
sandwich exploded on the floor, Hudson the wonder dog was happy as hell!
had a fight with the mail man, which means no mail for a week, that will make NetFlix happy.
Dropped the computer monitor on my foot, my foot is fine, but that bag of chips...Ouch! it was like confetti!
Today I am just not tall enough to get on Life's Ride! ... I will have to try again tomorrow!

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

How the Penguin stole my sanity and ate it.

How the Penguin stole my sanity and ate it.
Ok, Penguins I can do, but a topic I am not to familiar with...."sanity".
Sanity is just nuts that make sense to the majority, while the minority (That is someone like me) has to settle with just being plane insane.
Ok if, you can make it pay, but I have not worked that one out as of yet.
So where was I? Oh yeah how the Penguin stole my sanity and ate it... well for a while now every time I close my eyes I see redheaded Penguins and they keep telling me odd jokes ( as if I need help with jokes...have you seen me in my Spiderman Under-roos?)
So I am sleeping when this penguin starts yammering jokes into my head like...hey How do Penguins drink their Soda? ...on the rocks...Yuk yuk ( yes the penguin said yuk-yuk after his jokes...don't ask me why) and he would go on with...
Why don't you see Penguins in Britain? Because they´re afraid of Wales, yuk-yuk oh and then his twin penguin sisters would show up ( as apposed to his twin kangaroo sister ...yuk-yuk or that one was mine) so his twin shows up and starts in on me..Hey Fitzy...Who is a Penguins favorite pop star? ...Seal. and then..Why don't Penguins like rock music? ...They only like sole. and remember that penguins voices are so fast it is like the chipmunks on speed, so the jokes were fast and high pitched at one point I though I heard the dog grown shutty to the penguins.
So slowly but surly every time I fell asleep I would loose a little bit of what sanity I had,( I keep it in the vault in the back of my brain, so I know where it is when I need it.) after a while The Penguins were a blur and I started sleeping on top of the dresser, the TV and I would talk in tongues... all the while hearing them penguins giggling and telling jokes like it is opening night at a Vegas show, until it all stopped and I heard nothing.
I needed to drive to Dan's shop to have the Truck looked at so I went into the vault to get some of my stored up sanity so I could drive over there with out killing myself or anyone else, so as I open the vault I hear the penguins again I look in and they have lounged out in my sanity vault parting and drinking....I say what the hell...and the red-headed penguin stands up and says what do you want?...I say sanity and she says ...screw you pal I ate it! Well I start to sweat and twitch like I have ants in my Under-roos ( which I did, but that is a blog for another time) I jump up ...open my eyes and realize oh hell I was dreaming, I wake Janice up and say please do not let me eat Chinese food at 4 am after drinking all night again...she looks up at me slaps me in the back of the head and says Der!
So that is how The Penguins stole my sanity and ate it. Now before I go I leave you with this...
What's black & white, black & white, black & white and black & white?
A penguin rolling down the hill with my sanity in his belly...YUK-YUK
Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Danger’s afoot:
I was watching BBC America the other day and the comment was used that Danger is afoot, needless to say I was amused by the comment and after having it rattle around in my head I decided I needed to explore the comment a bit more and share my thoughts in a Blog....Lucky You!
The comment Danger's afoot leaves many questions to be asked, for instance, how can Danger be a foot ? It has no toes, no heal and no bones. Does it smell like dirty sox or have the pungent odor of stinky feet?
Can Danger wear high heels, high tops or skip zippies? If it could wouldn't that mean Danger is a shoe? which if you think about it that would explain Elvis's "don't step on my blue Suede shoes song
So I say to you Danger is not a foot, ... Danger is a shoe and I say to avoid Danger... so go barefoot!
I thing that completely and utterly clears up the square root of infinity, so thank you and Good Day