September is here friends, that means leaves start to turn, Geese start to migrate, Gardens start to wither, long summer nights begin to get shorter and cooler. It also marks the return of every drivers enemy, no not the Ball rolling into traffic or the occasional Deer, Dog, Cat or Polar Bear (Alaska only) meandering in the road or the road construction that they seem to only start in September. I am referring to the Menace of the rush hour traffic . . . The School Bus!!
I'm sure we have all at one time or another been caught in what I affectionately like to call "The Bus Loop", this is when you are caught between 2 or more school Bus routes and can't get anywhere.
Picture if you will your off to work, birds are singing, the sky clear and blue, your favorite song is playing on the radio, the fresh air is lightly seeping in through the windows, a faint pleasantness covers you and you aura is a pale blue (I am told that is a good color for an aura), your hitting all the green lights, life at that particular moment is good. Then all of a sudden you hear the D.J. say "Welcome to September", the Radio gets all static, your eyes get all itchy and you catch a whiff of a foul pungent odor (not unlike my in-laws cooking) its Diesel fuel, your ears echo with the un-Godly squeal that sends chills up and down your back, as you shake it off and your eyes clear, you focus on the beast that has taken up residence in your path, your spine stiffens and your head drops to your chest . . . . . That's right folks school is in session . . . . . Behold the Yellow Beast, the vaunted school bus bane of the commuters existence. That Titanic Yellow smog belching, slow moving, wheel squealing pain in the "Derrière" has reared it's ugly head and returned to choke up our rush hour commuting.
Nothing says September like the school bus, your driving, you take a sip of coffee or soda (tonic) you look up and there it is, red lights flashing for you and green lights for your torcher. The Marquis de Sade could not have come up with a better torcher device then the school bus.
You come to the end of your driveway or street you look left and see the evil traffic hog (school bus), so you turn right to avoid it thinking you are smart, then . . . the traffic beast! You get 50 feet and "SLAP" your behind a clone of your enemy and it has stopped in front of a house, red lights flash and the swinging stop sign on the front grill signaling the world has to stop and wait for yet another sleep deprived, unprepared parent to take their time strolling down the walk at a snails pace escorting their precious bundle of joy (speed-bumps with feet in some cases) to the waiting bus. Upon which we are now way-laid yet again because the parent feels the need to engage in a lengthy conversation with the Driver of the traffic beast as if they were long lost relatives, and then we wait while the 3 foot tall sack of protoplasm wanders the isle to fine the perfect seat for themselves. Then and only then do we see the red lights go out the stop sign swing in and you are off at a turtles pace 100 yards up to the next door . . . . . "SERENITY NOW!!"
But this is only one sadistic pleasure of the demon school bus, here are just a few other occurrences that come to fruition in the wake of the yellow devil transportation device.
They love to drive with the yellow flashers on whether they are stopping or not. At rail road tracks they stop turn on their lights as if they are signaling the UFO mother-ship, they open the doors and look to see if a train is coming at them, tell me again why we taxpayers paid for the rail road track safety lights and train gates? Last but not least is the cargo they transport, those mini humans, making faces, flipping you off and sometimes smashing their butts up against the window at the rear (no pun intended) of the bus, as if you are not annoyed enough they torcher you a bit more.
"I Love the smell of Diesel in the Morning"
But alas much like bad stroganoff this too shall pass, in the mean time we endeavor to persevere while we secretly push pins in our yellow school bus voo doo dolls, and hope that in the years to come these little people will be able to grow up and be just as pissy as we are at the Yellow demon transport known as the school bus. Besides what could be worse? . . . Oh wait a second, October is coming ... make way for the Leaf peepers !
I'm sure we have all at one time or another been caught in what I affectionately like to call "The Bus Loop", this is when you are caught between 2 or more school Bus routes and can't get anywhere.
Picture if you will your off to work, birds are singing, the sky clear and blue, your favorite song is playing on the radio, the fresh air is lightly seeping in through the windows, a faint pleasantness covers you and you aura is a pale blue (I am told that is a good color for an aura), your hitting all the green lights, life at that particular moment is good. Then all of a sudden you hear the D.J. say "Welcome to September", the Radio gets all static, your eyes get all itchy and you catch a whiff of a foul pungent odor (not unlike my in-laws cooking) its Diesel fuel, your ears echo with the un-Godly squeal that sends chills up and down your back, as you shake it off and your eyes clear, you focus on the beast that has taken up residence in your path, your spine stiffens and your head drops to your chest . . . . . That's right folks school is in session . . . . . Behold the Yellow Beast, the vaunted school bus bane of the commuters existence. That Titanic Yellow smog belching, slow moving, wheel squealing pain in the "Derrière" has reared it's ugly head and returned to choke up our rush hour commuting.
Nothing says September like the school bus, your driving, you take a sip of coffee or soda (tonic) you look up and there it is, red lights flashing for you and green lights for your torcher. The Marquis de Sade could not have come up with a better torcher device then the school bus.
You come to the end of your driveway or street you look left and see the evil traffic hog (school bus), so you turn right to avoid it thinking you are smart, then . . . the traffic beast! You get 50 feet and "SLAP" your behind a clone of your enemy and it has stopped in front of a house, red lights flash and the swinging stop sign on the front grill signaling the world has to stop and wait for yet another sleep deprived, unprepared parent to take their time strolling down the walk at a snails pace escorting their precious bundle of joy (speed-bumps with feet in some cases) to the waiting bus. Upon which we are now way-laid yet again because the parent feels the need to engage in a lengthy conversation with the Driver of the traffic beast as if they were long lost relatives, and then we wait while the 3 foot tall sack of protoplasm wanders the isle to fine the perfect seat for themselves. Then and only then do we see the red lights go out the stop sign swing in and you are off at a turtles pace 100 yards up to the next door . . . . . "SERENITY NOW!!"
But this is only one sadistic pleasure of the demon school bus, here are just a few other occurrences that come to fruition in the wake of the yellow devil transportation device.
They love to drive with the yellow flashers on whether they are stopping or not. At rail road tracks they stop turn on their lights as if they are signaling the UFO mother-ship, they open the doors and look to see if a train is coming at them, tell me again why we taxpayers paid for the rail road track safety lights and train gates? Last but not least is the cargo they transport, those mini humans, making faces, flipping you off and sometimes smashing their butts up against the window at the rear (no pun intended) of the bus, as if you are not annoyed enough they torcher you a bit more.
"I Love the smell of Diesel in the Morning"
But alas much like bad stroganoff this too shall pass, in the mean time we endeavor to persevere while we secretly push pins in our yellow school bus voo doo dolls, and hope that in the years to come these little people will be able to grow up and be just as pissy as we are at the Yellow demon transport known as the school bus. Besides what could be worse? . . . Oh wait a second, October is coming ... make way for the Leaf peepers !
P.S. Ask me what my wife does for work !
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