Spare the Media ... Save the Spears

Spare the Media...save the Spears! B-TV is on the air

The all Britney, all the time media frenzy is of Brit's own doing. From the very start she has been screaming, Look at me, Look at me, with the New Mickey Mouse Club, her breakout music CD's, the Timberlake dating, multitude of marriages and the hole Britney and K-Fed's "Chaotic" Reality show, it has all been self educed. The media spot light may be an addiction to add to Britney's other [alleged] addictions, alcohol, drugs, bad British ascents and Star Bucks coffee craving crash test dummy.

The problem with the whole, Britney...Britney...Britney, thing is people are addicts, I would say 100% of us have an addiction, it could be candy, booze, drugs, sex, TV, Reading books or even Britney, anything that we do on a regular basis can become an addiction, I am however please to say that I do think that all addictions are bad, such as reading, writing and oh did I say Britney?

I believe the real reason for the Britney media-a-thon is because the majority of people love to see someone fall from their high perch, people in general revel in viewing and hearing of other people's misery, especially they are rich and famous.

My personal take on all the Britney Hull-a-ba-loo is she needs a spanking, I am not referring to a financial, sexual or legal spanking, I am talking about a good ole' Go outside to the tree and cut off a switch bend over and spank her backside type of spanking.

Oh and do it on national television so her embarrassment can be as world wide as her childish antics have been.

By the way did you hear what Britney just did...

*Blog was inspired by and in rebuttal to the Boston Herald's reporter Jay Ambrose and his "We all could use a break from Brit" article in the January 21st 2008 edition (page 19)*

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Portable Safe's or Is that for here or to go?

I know I have come up with unusual topics and comments for my blogs and I know I have been known to stretch things out of proportion, but this time it is not my fault that my imagination has got the best of me and hence decided to run amuck ... again.
This blog was brought on by something I witnessed at a store this past week. It is about the Portable safe, what super genius came up with this one ...Wile E Coyote?
In an age of instant gratification such as fast food,next day Carpets, same day Dry Cleaning, Digital Photos and Pea-Pod Grocery Delivery. We have just been able to add Drive-by robberies to the instant gratification list, with this fantastically "portable" safe.
You see the way it works is you put your cash, charge cards, passport, birth certificate,The Magna-Carta and your autographed nude photos of G.W. Bush in the stylish and oh-so inexpensively priced "Portable" safe. Then unexpectedly ( for the sake of this blog) you have some robbers show up on a night you are at the Elvis Impersonator's Convention. They (the robbers), break in and find the not so well disguised portable safe. Picture if you will as the robbers pick the portable safe, look at each other giggle, and say "would you like fries with that safe"? Being a portable safe, the pair of do-badders are in no rush and under no pressure to crack the safe there, they just simply tuck the safe under their arm and make their way back to their secret robber lair via the unlocked back door, where they can do their safe cracking in comfort with out hearing the pesky complaining of the victim or the police impeding on their version of "Free Enterprise".
Ah Yes the Portable safe for those on the go, The Portable safe ... with new fire resistent paint incase it is in the back of your 1980's Pinto that is rear-ended and blows up, The paint on the portable safe is guaranteed for up to 420 degrees, after that ... Oh-Oh better call Macco
The portable safe will aide the sagging economy as well because with the onslaught and convenience of the portable safe we will have new businesses popping up such as 24 hour drive-up windows where you can bring your portable safe to when you lock your portable safe keys or your portable safe combination in your? ....Yup, you guest it ... portable safe. Feeling lonely and need a peek at those photos of yourself with your duct tape repaired blow-up companion? just jump in the Pinto or family truckster and make your way to the nearest portable safe drive-up window local.
Portable safe sort of gives a new meaning to cash and carry! In an era where people are used to stashing their money and other valuables under their mattresses, I can see a need for a warning label that will come with the portable safe. *Warning* Portable safe is not responsible for undue wear and tare of bedding or mattresses, nor are the makers of portable safe responsible for stiff backs, cricks in the neck or any other discomfort from hiding portable safe under your mattress.
Just think about it the portable safe fits right next to your pocket fisherman and you 2 cans of spray on hair, all in the compact comfort of your duffle or carry-on bag, and remember folks if you can't grab it and run, it's not portable... portable safe for thieves on the go!
I can just see the slogans and add campaigns now...
Portable safe...Their Great!
Portable safe, don't leave home with out em'
Portable safe, what's in your trunk?
Portable safe, it's not your fathers safe.
Portable safe, just like Mom used to steal.
Portable safe, the quicker picker upper.
Join the Portable safe club, buy your first 2 safes for regular club prices and get you 3rd safe for just 1 penny.
As far as I am concerned a portable safe may as well be made out of paper, better yet may I suggest you drive down a crowded street and just toss all your valuables out the window and save your money on the vaunted Portable safe.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Monkey-ing Around

It's funny to me that as we get older someone will say or do something that will trigger some vaulted memory in you're brain pan of when you were younger, this has happily happened to me on many, many occasions, I suspect it is because mentally I am still more a child then I care to admit.
I heard a kid say, "No way, I wanna be the Monkey this time!" as they ran past me, as the erg to stick out my foot and trip them subsided the comment about the monkey immediately jettisoned my memory back to when I was way, way younger (Ok, it was last week...) back when we used to think how cool it would be if we were monkey's or apes.
Well as we get older we usually feel the need to justify or over examine what ever we think, say or do, almost as if the innocence is gone and the skepticism has taken a tight hold on us and our imaginations. With that in mind I have decided to put down what I think would be the top 10 Pro's and Con's of being a monkey or Ape. So here you go!

The Top 10 Pro's for Being a monkey or Ape
1. You would never again have to listen to, "Hey ... Stop Monkey-ing Around

2. Flinging your Poo is a acceptable form of communication.

3. Masturbating in public is not a big deal and no one makes fun of you for your size or technique.

4. NASA lets us ride in space first and for free.

5. Planet of the Apes, Need I say more?

6. We would not be slaves to fashion and you will never have to hear again..."Pull your pants up" not to mention, No wedgies.

7. No shaving or using deodorant.

8. The whole toilet seat thing becomes mute, the world would be your pisser.

9. What could be better than being one of the most popular attractions at the Zoo.

10. Who doesn't like bananas?

Top 10 Con's for being a Monkey or Ape
1. King Kong, you Bastards shoot him just when Fay Ray was warming up to him.

2. In some countries they still eat monkey's

3. Lab experiments are not always a good thing.

4. No Satellite TV or porn.

5. There are no monkey's or Ape's with belly button piercing.

6. We sleep outside in trees, while you humans get the nice craft-matic adjustable beds.

7. The only cars we get to drive are the Clown cars at the circus. have you ever had to hang around with clowns? they are pigs!

8. No shaving and deodorant is not necessarily a good thing...PU monkey's stink.

9. Dr. Zaus from Planet of the Apes was a dictator and a dick head... "Oh I am the Orangutan there for I am the smart one!", What a presumptuous up-start of a primate he was, that friggin' orange furred Nazi Bastard.

10. Always eating bananas gives you the shits! Can we please have a pizza or Chinese for once?

Well there you have it the top 10 Pro's and Con's for being a Monkey or an Ape. Listen what were you expecting some cure for the common cold here? It's a dam Blog people.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired