Nature's Mulligan

Aristotle said "Nature does nothing Uselessly"
Fitzy Says if that is true explain The Duck billed Platypus, Women's back hair, SPAM, the reason Evil Penguins haunt me and Rosie O'Donnell.

This Blog has been brought to you by P.E.T.A. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Assholes), The Number 13, The Letters F & U and the color Red (Red is the new Pink).

Heaven or Hell

For those of you that know me, you know the joke associated with me, that when I shuffle ball change off this mortal coil that I will be driving Satan's Tour Bus to hell, and the other comment that I have used for years that no matter what happens to me or where I end up Heaven or Hell that I am sure I can make a better deal that the one I am given. Blasphemy I know, but If you know me you also know I have a problem with Authority even the Big-big Guys.
Well here's the poop, I was in a conversation with a few people at work and made the statements about the tour bus and the work a better deal, and the 3 people I were talking to gave me a sort of sneer, actually only 2 of them did the 3rd has this naturally crest fallen face so she always walks around looking like she is pissed at the world.
So, after the ever so brief pause one of them says, "You know now I am curious about something, what would you do if you really did end up in Hell?" I didn't even waste a millisecond and spurted out I would have the only Gatorade concession stand in Hell (on the corner of Hell-bent Ave and Hitler Street).
Before I lost my audience to the grown of discontent I said on the other hand if I was lucky enough to go to Heaven, instead of to usual Angel wing preening and Pearly gates polishing I would have the only Satan piñata kiosk at the Halo Galleria Mall. It would be great 5 bucks a whack and if you are lucky enough to smash Satan open you get stuff like Wax wings, Candy halos, cinnamon pitchforks and chocolate ten commandments and little Jesus Plushy toys (cause lets face it nothing says I love you like a Jesus Plushy toy).
After a tense silence, a few head shakes, 2 sneers and 1 crest fallen glair I hear "Good Luck with the Gatorade concession stand!" I laughed because everything was said in fun, but lets face facts for me it is not where I end up, but how I can trip up who ever is in charge, so either way I look at it as a win-win for me.
P.S. I would rather go to Heaven By the way, I hear they have a great Baseball Team.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Even Steven

I just read in the newspaper that a married couple from New Orleans tried to trade 2 children in their care for a Cockatoo and $175.00 in cash.
Now not that I condone this mode of thinking, but I would have thought they would have held out for 2 cockatoo's, some seed, and the $175.00, What were they thinking? Dam armatures.
So I was thinking, if this is going to be all the rage to go back to the old system of Trades and Bartering system, then I have prepared a list of things I would like to trade and what I would like in exchange for them.
1. One slightly used up parent for Peace and quiet for 1 month.
2. A pair of female siblings for 1 box of coconut girl scout cookies
3. A well used pair of Spot-bilt sneakers (circa 1981) for a Autographed photo of Dawnzie Greene.
4. A fine assortment of In-Laws (persons to be named later) for a block of seriously sharp cheddar cheese.
5. A Poster of Samantha Fox (a bit worn on 1 side) for World Peace ( sorry about the price, I really like the Poster).

*****Straight Trades Only ~ Even Steven
******No Indian Givers - Take backs or Substitutions
*****No Warranties or Guarantees given or implied
****Tax, Title,Registrations,Directions and Batteries not included
~Trader Beware~All Trades Final~